


can't seem to forget you (but i know why i want to)

by Macremae



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Interlude, M/M, Post Episode 14, feelings are discussed and its awkward, slow burn but no payoff because the next ep is in two fuckign weeks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 09:46:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8097430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macremae/pseuds/Macremae
Summary: There wasn’t really any other option though, except to see it through till the end. Juno would try to tell himself not to make the same mistake twice, but if he was being honest with himself (which was a rare occurrence), it was only a matter of time. Nureyev was the kind of person that, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t help but feel something for. Unfortunately for Juno, those feelings had spiraled wildly out of control, to the point where he didn’t know if he could rein them in much longer.
What happens after Juno opens the room door, or: a possible interlude between Train From Nowhere parts one and two.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I STAYED UP UNTIL 2 AM TO LISTEN TO THIS SHIT AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE CAFFEINE BUT HERE WE ALL ARE HAVE SOME PINING.

It was all like fucking clockwork, of course.

He was sure- he was so damn sure- that he was over Nureyev, and then, of course, this had to happen. Juno wasn’t sure if it was because the universe hated him (it probably was), bad luck (also a very distinct possibility), or just his own idiocy (really, the most likely contender), but somehow, Peter Nureyev had waltzed back into his life like a diamond wrecking ball, and caused everything to go straight to hell.

Coincidentally, that was exactly where Juno recommended _he_ go as well. 

That car ride had been the longest one of his life. Nureyev had been so close, close enough that Juno could have leaned over just a little and kissed the ever-living hell out of him if he wanted to (he did, very much). He almost would have, too, if it weren’t for common sense kicking in. 

It was all just so… much. Like a sensory overload, but one that, deep down, you never wanted to end. Everything just seemed more vivid around Nureyev, which was exactly what was so dangerous about him. He was a distraction, and not just that, but a gamble of one too.

There wasn’t really any other option though, except to see it through till the end. Juno would try to tell himself not to make the same mistake twice, but if he was being honest with himself (which was a rare occurrence), it was only a matter of time. Nureyev was the kind of person that, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t help but feel something for. Unfortunately for Juno, those feelings had spiraled wildly out of control, to the point where he didn’t know if he could rein them in much longer.

Everything with that man just had to be complicated. 

Juno sighed as he slowly opened the door to their room, shaking his head a little to clear it. It was dark inside, with a few thin streams of light coming in through the window blinds. Nureyev’s shape could be seen on the side of the bed closest to the door, slowly rising and falling as he (presumably) slept. He wasn’t facing Juno though, who felt a little bit relieved. 

What could he have possibly expected; to actually show some tact and romantic prowess this one time? For things to actually go right? Yeah, sure. 

Juno’s footsteps fell lightly as he closed the door quietly behind him, and made his way over to the bed. Nureyev had draped his clothes over the armchair across from it, but his coat still hung on the rack by the door. The crumpled drawings were scattered by the window, a few illuminated by the spotty light. 

Juno paused for a moment, then reached down and gathered up the pieces of paper. Careful not to disturb Nureyev, he sat down on the edge of the bed facing the window, and smoothed out a few of the drawings. 

Looking at them with a different eye, they were really quite good. The lines were drawn with care, smooth and thin streaks of light pencil meandering across the paper. Each drawing was clustered with detail, from the tufts of fur on the dog, to the scratches and rust on the wrought iron gate of the zoo. This was the art of a man who had plenty to think about.

When Juno unfolded the last one, he froze. It was, without a shadow of a doubt, of him. He was looking off to the side, a half smile playing across his face, and there was an unmistakable look of fondness in his eyes, which were sketched with more detail than anything else. There were dark smudges where the lines had been erased multiple times, and little flicks of pencil in the irises. 

The drawing was that of a man unquestionably in love, done by another who saw it, but didn’t _see_ it.

Juno felt his breath catch, and he stared at the paper for a long time. Several thoughts raced through his head, the most prominent being that _Peter Nureyev drew him_. Peter Nureyev had thought about him, watched him, remembered every little detail, and hadn’t wanted to forget him.

Perhaps, couldn’t forget him.

The shift in breathing behind him was slight, but Juno heard it all the same.

“You should be asleep,” he said, not turning to look at Nureyev.

“So should you,” the other man replied, sitting up. Juno could feel his gaze burning on the back of his head, but he still didn’t turn around.

After thinking for a long moment, he said, “They’re good. The drawings.”

“Thank you,” Nureyev said quietly, and, after pausing, moved over to sit next to Juno.

He noticed the paper Juno had in his hand, and said, “I drew that one a few weeks after meeting you.”

Juno kept his head down. “I’m surprised you remembered me for that long.”

Nureyev laughed softly. “How could I possibly forget? You’re a very memorable person, Juno, at least to me. I couldn’t get my mind off of you, especially that look. It’s my favorite one you’ve ever given me. We were at the hospital, and I put my hand on your shoulder, and you just turned and…” he trailed off, going quiet again.

“And?” Juno said, despite himself.

“And I was gone. No one had looked at me like that in… oh, a good while.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

Nureyev turned to look at Juno, the barest hint of a smile playing on his lips. “Was that a compliment?”

Juno turned his head away. “Maybe,” he replied quietly.

Nureyev sighed again, this time much lighter. “Thank you, by the way.”

“For what?”

“Saving my life, of course. You didn’t have to.”

“I kinda did.”

“Still.” 

Juno heard a sudden shift in movement, and felt something come to rest on top of his hand. He didn’t need to look to know what it was.

“Is this alright?” Nureyev asked softly.

Instead of answering, Juno turned his hand over, and slowly interlaced his fingers with Nureyev’s. “For tonight,” he said.

Nureyev moved a little closer, and Juno could feel the warmth coming from him. He leaned in just a little, and let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

In the morning, things would go back to being complicated. There would be secrets and jobs and the thin little thread of trust they shared, and people out for their blood as always.. For now, though, they had this. This warm, tentative feeling of undeniable human-ness that neither had felt for some time, slowly spreading between them.

Juno could cope with that.


End file.
